Pietriots

The current favourite for the coveted Game of the Year award, Robot Unicorn Attack from AdultSwim has everything. Firstly it's robots, or at least a robot in the form of a unicorn which makes it extra cool. Secondly it has attacking but more on that amazing feature later in this detailed analysis of this smash hit game.

Some context; in Robot Unicorn Attack you play as the robot unicorn who's been granted three wishes, three chances at making all of it's dreams come true. The game gives you helpful advice along the way such as "don't run into walls, you will die" as well as encouraging you with remarks like "you will fail." It's a moving tale that you'll reflect on a lot as you run across the land, collecting fairies, smashing stars and frolicking with robotic dolphins. The world they created is like a lucid dream. Within seconds of starting the game it was like I was transported into it's wonderland of rainbows and pink fields in the sky, singing as I rode my robot unicorn towards our dreams. Dreams of happiness, hope and salvation. That's how good the graphics are, they resonated at a deep level within me, fighting off the oppression from my black heart and leading me to happiness.

And the music! Holy fuck. I mentioned I was singing as I rode the unicorn. "ALWAYS I WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OH LOVE!" it's already made it's way onto my iPod and now I prance down the streets of my town singing it aloud. A lot of idiots out there on the internet think the song is Always by Erasure, released in 1994, well they'd be wrong. The song is in fact; Always Remix 2009 by Erasure, released in 2009. It features extra synth compared to the original version because synthesisers were frowned upon in the 90s but now that it's the 10's everything 80's is cool again so they got to put in all the synth they wanted to 16 years ago. It's these synthesisers that really bring this amazing game to life.

As for like the game part of the game you just tap Z and X whenever you feel like it to progress. You can get a real cool flying effect, making all your dreams come true, by dashing with X and then jumping off the air with Z. I once did it through like 40,000 points in the game in a row but forgot to take a screenshot because I was in such a hypnotic trance that I ran outside to chase rainbows instead. You get points for staying alive mostly but sometimes theres fairies to collect and stars to attack by dashing. Chaining these together leads to progressively higher scores for each and all your wildest dreams coming true.

Man like, you know what we should do right? Like, oh man I love you man, we need to like play this while we watch Napoleon Dynamite man. Yeeeeaaaahhh yeah you totally gotta check this game out.